Help! My Boss Is Legion!
Nine Personalities. One Office. No Escape.
Your boss isn't one bad manager. Your boss is possessed by nine recurring management demons who take turns wearing the corner office. Some days it's one. Some days it's three before lunch.
Help! My Boss Is Legion! is the field manual for identifying which entity has manifested, containing the damage, and surviving until the possession passes — Ghostbusters-meets-org-chart, filtered through Dilbert-style workplace absurdity.
Meet The Visionary, The Ghost, The Best Friend, The Screamer, The Micromanager, The Yes-Man, The Nostalgic, The Motivational Poster, and The Vanishing Decision-Maker — and learn the one rule that governs all nine:
> Identifying yesterday's demon provides no protection against today's.
Help! My Boss Is Legion!
Free Diagnostic Tools
Before you can contain an entity, you have to identify it. Two free printables from Chapter 0 — use them in order.
📋 The Office Possession Diagnostic
(Primary method — start here.)
A 9-question printable worksheet, styled as a mock-clinical field instrument rather than a magazine quiz. Answer based on today's observed behavior only — this diagnostic has no memory and holds no grudges from yesterday. Tally your letters. Whichever one wins tells you exactly what you're dealing with before your next 1:1.
📥 Download the Diagnostic Worksheet (PDF)
🕯️ The Break-Room Ouija Board
(Last-resort method — for when the diagnostic below fails to produce a clear reading.)
A full ring of all nine entities, plus auxiliary fields for the situations they alone can't resolve: ASK AGAIN AFTER LUNCH, MERCURY IS IN RETROGRADE, BLAME HR, and THE VENDING MACHINE ATE MY DOLLAR — ASK AGAIN NEVER. Print it, pin it in the break room, and let a coworker guide the planchette. There are no appeals.
📥 Download the Break-Room Ouija Board (PNG)
Print Both, Post Them by the Coffee Machine
Run the Diagnostic first. If the letters come back tied — or your boss's behavior defies all nine categories — escalate to the Ouija board. Between the two, there's no reading you can't get.
Help! My Boss Is Legion! — by Ben Kucenski