Tit for Tat Parenting
There is a kind of parent who does not think of themselves as withholding.
There is a kind of parent who does not think of themselves as withholding.
They think of themselves as fair. Consistent. Clear about expectations. They have a system, and the system works, and the fact that their child is sometimes upset by the system is not an indictment of the system — it is evidence that the child does not yet understand how the world operates. The parent is, in their own accounting, preparing the child for that world. Preparing them well. Getting nothing but grief for it.
This is the parent who operates on what we might call tit for tat logic: affection in exchange for compliance, attention in exchange for performance, validation in exchange for emotional regulation. The child learns quickly. They learn that the relationship has an exchange rate. And once you understand that a relationship has an exchange rate, you stop bringing it the things that can’t be priced.

















